As I’m sure you can imagine, I’ve been a little reflective the past few days as I think about all the big things coming up. “D-day” is set for Monday, and according to the doctors we are planning for a 1:30pm C-section. It's surreal. It's overwhelming. But it's happening.

One overriding thought has been something I wrote about a month or so ago here; that although faith is not immunity from trials, it is God-backed insurance to get us through them. This has certainly been true for us these last few months.

This has been a trial. The not-knowing, the blood draws, missing the summer, the nights of monitoring, being away from my Tillie, sitting in the same spot almost 24/7 for 8 weeks…and maybe the hardest, still not feeling like I am in control over the outcome.

But even with all of that, I see so clearly how God has led us through all of it. At times I feel as if I can almost literally see His hand, and I can attribute the blessings we've been given to no other source.

Before things get a little crazy I wanted to take a minute to remember the ways in which God has led us through this.  

One blessing is that my perspective of this pregnancy has been shaped by the time it took us to get pregnant with Tillie. I was anticipating another year-long emotional roller-coaster, and never expected that I would get pregnant so quickly this time around (while I was still nursing no less!). I had to see 4 positive pregnancy tests before I let myself get excited and believe that we were really going to have another baby. This wake of happiness helped me find perspective and gratitude in the fact that we were able to conceive at all, despite the complications.  

Another way I have seen God’s hand in this trial is that we live close to arguably the best hospital in the country for Mono-Mono twins. Very few hospitals routinely offer continuous monitoring for babies, as it’s just too time-consuming and costly. I have no doubt this is one of the reasons we were brought to this area. Oh and my room has a killer view.

Another blessing has been a peace that came during the first ultrasound, and has rested in my heart since.  I don’t think I’ll ever forget that day, lying in the dimly-lit ultrasound room with Tillie strapped into her stroller next to me. After I heard the news that we were having twins, the ultrasound tech placed a towel over the blue gel on my belly, and said words that no expectant mother wants to hear, that she wanted the specialist to come take a look at something. The doctor came in and after looking for what seemed an eternity, said we needed to talk. He carefully explained that with our situation there would only be a 50% chance that the twins would make it to week 24. He went on to explain potential complications and then said, to assure me, that as we were only 10 weeks along abortion was very much an option. While I was shocked to hear him say that, oddly enough as the words came out of his mouth a peace washed over me that hasn't left since. I knew God knew these babies, and I would give them a fighting chance.

Sarah with Tillie last summer
Perhaps one of the biggest blessings was that my sister Sarah was willing and had a perfect window of time to come and watch Tillie for these 8 weeks. She literally came out the week after high school graduation and soon after she leaves will head on a church mission to Taiwan for 18 months.  No one else in my family would have been able to step in, and this trial would have been completely different without her. She loves Tillie as her own, and has gone above and beyond in caring for her in every way. And she just happens to be one of my biggest emotional supports as well. Oh, and a huge surprise was that I had a brother also fly in this week to be here for everything. Another way God has provided in a time when most of my family is far away. 

Another blessing is that summer is the slowest time at Dave’s work. Had my hospital stay been during the spring or fall, Dave would have been traveling out of the state almost weekly.  

We have also been blessed to have a cousin and her family that live in New Haven. She and her husband have been such a huge support in every way. It has been reassuring to know that I have someone so close by, and she’s even introduced me to friends of hers and started a book club where she brings her friends to my hospital room.

I have also been blessed with a huge support group, inside my family and out, including some of the dear nurses here at Yale. It is humbling to number the meals that have been brought to my family at home, the people who have watched Tillie, the visitors, the talks with nurses that have gone far beyond physical care into my emotional and spiritual care, the packages, letters, emails, phone calls, and prayers. And the support and prayers from each of you. Thank you.

So whatever the next month (and especially Monday!) brings, God has truly been good. He has carried us through this trial. He has given us peace. I have seen again that although mortality happens and God does not shield us from trials, when we trust in him he will always provide a way.



No comments

Post a Comment

Design by Kelly Brito