First week down

So happy to say we made it through the first week. From what I've heard it just gets easier after week 1, and I have to say I hope so!

I found out today that the survival rate of preemies at 24 weeks is only 39%, and goes up to 50% by week 25! Another big reason to be grateful for making it just the first 7 days.

I've had some people ask me if I'm really doing ok, and I really can say that I am. No, it hasn't been easy, but it's hard to feel bad for myself when there have been so many angels helping us out and when I think of how much worse it could be. I think the fact that we had to beat the odds to get this far has also helped me keep it all in perspective.

A few other Mono/Mono Moms have asked what inpatient stay is really like, and what some of the low points are. So here are a few of the things that aren't my favorite:
  • Probably the hardest thing about inpatient is being without my Tillie Rose. I've felt my heart pulled out wanting to hold her and snuggle her and let her know that I love her, and even when she's here I'm hooked up to monitors. I feel so torn--a part of me wants her to be fine with our new situation, and the other part of me feels crushed when she happily waves goodbye after a visit. For some reason Saturday was a real low point as I saw all the changes in her in just a week--seeing her new front tooth all the way in, listening to new words and sounds I didn't teach her. Obviously these aren't feelings I try to focus on, but they pull at my heart.  
  • It probably goes without saying that I don't love being pretty much immobile for all of the day, being hooked up to monitors with straps around my belly even when I'm sleeping, and knowing that I'm losing pretty much any muscle I ever had. It's not awesome. Good thing it's worth it.
  • And last but not least being stationary tends to um, back your system up. Also not my favorite. Hoping my body starts to adjust to this unfortunate side effect. 
Some of the highlights of this week:
  • The view from my room. 

  • Girls Night Out in the hospital with the best medicine (laughter and girl talk obviously). Definite highlight was my friend Emily bringing me a ukulele. (Ok, backstory. A while back I had mentioned to Dave how awesome it would be to learn the ukulele while I am here--you can laugh it is a little ridiculous!--so when Emily asked what she could bring to pass the time that's what Dave told her.) So awesome. I can't wait for the nurses to hear me strumming away. 
  • The nurses. Such amazing women. It is not easy to keep these babies on the monitor, and sometimes the nurses will sit and hold the monitor in place in the middle of the night while I am trying to sleep. I haven't had one get short or frustrated with me or our situation.
  • Meeting the chaplain of the hospital. We talked for over an hour about spirituality and the role faith has in helping patients heal and have hope. 
  • My 25 week surprise visit from Sarah and Tillie-Sarah had said they weren't going to come and then showed up with flowers, treats and Tillie. Can I just say that Sarah is amazing for taking all of this in stride? I don't know if I know another girl who could transition so well from the excitement and fun of high school to moving across the country, watching a baby full time, navigating east coast people and roads, and doing it all with a smile. Makes me cry just thinking about it. 
  • Two great men bringing me the sacrament on Sunday. Hearing the bread and water blessed just for me and thinking of the Savior's sacrifice and love just on my behalf filled my little hospital room with a peaceful and sweet spirit that I'll never forget. 
  • Your visits, calls, texts, messages, flowers, and most importantly prayers. On Sunday Dave came up after church and brought with him a stack of notes from those in our congregation. My friend Heidi had punched out cards and had them ready for anyone who wanted to write a little note of encouragement. When Dave brought them out and showed them to me I just cried feeling so loved and supported. I read a few everyday and they're a treasure  

Maybe one of my favorite changes this week is that I'm starting to let myself dream about having these two babies in our family. I have been so cautious knowing we have tough odds, but this week as I've looked at their ultrasound profiles it's starting to become real. I'm starting to feel new love well up inside of me, for each of them. I still can't believe they may be ours. Last night I had a dream where I was cuddling and looking at a new little baby, and I could almost smell that new baby smell. It was a special gift and one I'll be holding onto all week.

Here's to week 2!



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